


I'm going to be at your side

by Fating



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Suicide Attempt, a bit fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-11-02 05:04:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fating/pseuds/Fating
Summary: Slash felt uneasy, his hands tightened around the bottle of Jack. He didn't know why he felt this way but his guts were telling him that something was wrong; maybe it was the fact that Axl would have never turned down a night at the club or maybe it was that the red singer was way angrier than usual and that his outburst were more destructive than ever.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: English is not my first language so please feel free to correct me.  
Also first time writing Slaxl.

Slash felt uneasy, his hands tightened around the bottle of Jack. He didn't know why he felt this way but his guts were telling him that something was wrong; maybe it was the fact that Axl would have never turned down a night at the club or maybe it was that the red singer was way angrier than usual and that his outburst were more destructive than ever.

The guitarist usually has always prided himself to be calm and rational even when things were really bad, but now he felt the strange feeling of worry and anxiety was consuming him, making him the farthest thing from his usual self : a scary man. He decided to leave his friend in the club and heading to their hotel when he couldn't take it anymore. He had never been this sober in a while, too worried about his favorite singer to think about Jack Daniels. Fuck, he must really love that man.

The ride to the hotel was fast and rushed: that weird feeling was still there, making him biting his lower lip ; he never believed in "bad feelings" or stuff like that, but now, maybe because it was about Axl, his mind knew something was wrong.  
When he finally arrived to the big building that was their home for the past two days, he started rushing to the room he shared with Axl. He was so grateful that he wasn't so drunk because he could walk like a normal human being but also not so much because he could feel that at every steep his heart was starting to beat faster making him sick to his stomach and his head hurt.

He tried to empty his mind by telling him that everything was alright, just to calm himself and possibly to be ready to face a very angry Axl. He stopped indulging and open the door, first he'd have seen Axl watching TV on the bed they shared or sleeping, first he could have cut this bullshit, stopped feeling like he was on a edge ready to fall down and returned to his beloved alcool and his friends.

The first thing he noticed was the empty bed and the TV turned on.  
"He must be in the bathroom" he thought but something inside him was telling him that there was something wrong so he decided to call his name to be sure. Fuck his stupid feelings for the red head, they were just making him weak and pathetic.

"Axl." He decided to call him but there was no answer.

"Axl." He said again. Still no answer

"AXL" he screamed the third time, banging at the door. Still no answer.

Panic took over in Slash's mind and too many thoughts were spinning in it. What could had happed? Why he wasn't answering? The guitarist just wanted to see an angry redhead screaming at him so he could had cursed himself for being so stupid. Anything rather than the anxiety he was feeling.

"Now I'm going to open this fucking door and I will find him in the shower, screaming at me naked." he thought even though he couldn't hear the water running . He turned the handle that was broken so the door couldn't be locked from the inside . At least he didn't had to worry about it.

He first thing he saw when he entered the room was red. He thought it could be only Axl's hair but that was not a copper red but more like a blood red. When he moved his eyes all cross the bathroom he could see where the blood was coming from : the singer was on the floor, his knees closet o his chest and one big cut on each of his wrists. The disturbing imagine paralyzed him for some seconds, before his ration part told him to grab some towels and tightened them around the wounds, to stop the bleeding.

  
When the towel were tight enough, he stopped for a minute and thought about what to do next : is brain told him "call 911" and "don't let Axl pass out" . The only phone in the room was on the bedside, so Slash decided to pick Axl bridal style and lay him down on the bed, while he continued to put pressure on his wrists and he softly started to talk to him. He didn't care what the other man could think, we was fucking bleeding to death right in front of him.

"Axl, hey Axl" the guitarist shook him and the singer opened his eyes, an expression of pain written on his face , like he had fined all his energy due opening them.

"Mh... Slash? he asked confused and Slash's heart broke to hear how weak it was.

"Yes it's me... uhm Axl now I'm calling 911 but you have to stay awake, okay?" he said trying to sound as steady as possible because the last thing he needed was to making Axl anxious.

The redhead looked at him for a second, almost like he wanted to disagree but losing quite a bit of blood, definitively didn't help him having the strength to do that so he just weakly nodded.

Slash took the phone and with shaky hands dialed the number while he kept watching Axl, making sure the motherfucker wouldn't had died in front of him.

"911 what's your emergency?" said a woman and Slash asked an ambulance , telling her where they were and what happened. As soon as he finished to talk, the woman told him to try to keep awake the injured man (No, shit Sherlock Slash thought) and ended the call.  
"I wanna go Slash" said Axl with a whisper and Slash swore to God that his heart was in tiny little pieces because of those words.

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked the curly man confused and a bit angry. He shouldn't be upset, he should help Axl to remaining alive but a selfish part of him was screaming because if Axl died, he would lost the love of his life. There was no way in hell that he could let Axl die in this fucking hotel room.

"Give up, walk away" he said as his eyes were closing again and the curly man thought what could bring him to do this, what could happen to Axl that made him decide to cut his wrists and tell Slash to leave him alone dying; he didn't want to think about that or he could just break down.

"Oh hell no, motherfucker. You're not going to pass out right now, do you understand?. Open your damn eyes." Saul said the last sentence pleading him. He could have been more calm about what he really was on the verge of crying, shit this behavior was so unlike him.

"Take... my hand" Axl asked, his eyes still closed and Slash just did that. He was super confused but he did because we was so scared that he cling on that hand like the redhead's life would depend on it. And because he wanted to make sure that Axl knew he was there for him, that he was not going to walk way like he asked him before.  
Axl calmed down, his breathing dangerously slowed down as he passed out. Slash still squeezed his hand while he was starting to panic. "Axl, will make it. He can't die, he won't." he kept repeating at himself for a couple of minutes before he could hear the ambulance's sirens.

"Axl fucking Rose, I love so much, please don't leave me alone" he mumbled to the pale man's ear and cursed himself after because, fuck he was being so cheesy and romantic. He guessed that this would happen if the person you love is just dying in front of you. Then the door busted open and the paramedics rushed into the room taking Axl from Slash' grip and placing him on a stretcher. As they were taking him out, he younger man started following them, before a paramedic, a young man in his 30s, stopped him.

"I'm sorry, only family members can ride in the ambulance" he said apologetically and Slash was tempted to scream and shoving out of the way, but he simply nodded and decided to follow them with his car. Before exiting the room, he left a note on the bed for the boys, for when they would have came back.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys arrived at the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: English is not my first language so please feel free to correct me.  
Also first time writing Slaxl.

After almost two hours the other band members made their way back to the hotel. Well, in reality Izzy threatened and dragged Duff and Steven to come back with him.

“C’mon man why did we had to be back so soon? I was totally in that chick’s pants.” the bassist complained.

“You wished” whispered Stevie laughing.

“Axl had never turned down a drink with us and Slash disappeared in the middle of the night.” Izzy said calmly , trying to not let them see that he was a bit worried.

“Well we all know where Slash could be” the drummer said with a smirk making Duff laughing

“Yeah, maybe he’s fucking a chick or even better Axl. I bet they..” the bassist stopped as soon as he looked into the hotel room ‘s door, previously opened by Izzy : stains of blood could be seen on the white sheets and on the floor, the little lamp on the nightstand was shattered and some empty bottles of vodka and Jack Daniels were reversed in a corner. As soon as Steven saw the blood he closed his eyes and threw himself into Duff’s arm for comfort.

“What the fuck happened here?” asked the tall blonde while Izzy directed himself towards the bathroom : in that room there was even more blood ,a footprint impressed on the floor. _“What the hell happened here? Somebody tried to kill someone? Or to kill himself?”_ The dark haired man thought too confused and started to become a lot more worried. Usually Izzy didn’t care about things, but now he couldn’t stop wondering.

“Iz… come here” Duff mumbled. He returned into the bedroom and saw a little note on the bed that neither of them noticed before.

Izzy picked it and read it out loud : “**_Guys, come to the nearest hospital as soon as possible. Slash”_**

“Fuck… what’s going on?” Steven asked faintly getting himself even closer to Duff.

“I don’t know but let’s get the fuck out of here.”

\---

Slash was pretty sure that he had been waiting in that hospital for decades, but the old clock on the hospital’s wall reminded him that it had been there for only two hours. He was biting his nails almost to the flesh and worry was kicking through : the more he stayed in that hospital without having news on Axl and the more he felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

The haunting memories were permanently marked in his mind and he couldn’t think anything other than the blood and Axl‘s face and the reason why he did that; he tried to analyze every possible thing but his judgment was clouded by the constant threat of losing the man he loves the most_. “You should have know something was up. You should have help him before. If he dies it’s your fault” _

“Hey man…” a familiar voice said interrupting his thoughts and Slash looked up to see in front of him Duff with a worried expression, Stevie with teary eyes and basically clinging to the taller blonde and Izzy next to Steven , who tried to maintain a neutral expression but his eyes were betraying him. He wanted to scream at them for being this late, he wanted to hug them, he wanted to just break down and cry but he did neither of those things: he simple gestured them to take the seats next to him.

Even if he was in love with Axl, they were their best friends, and they were as worried as he was; the guys sat and asked what exactly happened : the guitarist hated seeing again those imagines in his mind, but he told them anyway, and he tried really hard to not completely lose it in front of the others. After he finished everybody stayed silent, lacking of any words for describing what Axl did.

Still after a couple of hours no doctors or nurses had told them about Axl’s condition. Steven felt asleep after crying for an hour and tiredness took him over Izzy shortly after even if he wanted to stay awake . On the other hand Duff and Slash were still awake but totally exhausted. The blonde could see the pain and the desperation on his best friend’s face and he felt like he should helping him; he always felt responsible for his friends and even if he was not Axl’s best friend, he still loved that fucking crazy redhead and knowing what he had done, destroyed him. But now despite the fact that he could barely keeping himself together , he focused all his energy towards the tall curly man right next to him.

“Slash” he tried to call him but the other man was blankly staring the floor.

“Slash” Duff said again and this time Slash snapped back to reality.

“Buddy, you should sleep or at least talk to me, I can see this thing is eating you alive.”

“No man, I’m good. It’s just the fact that we don’t have any kind of information about Axl that annoys me.” Slash lied trying to sound as convincing as possible.

“You’re a terrible liar” Duff said smirking. “Cut the bullshit and tell me the truth”.

“Fuck Duff… I found him in a pool of his own blood. He tried to kill himself and I don’t even know why. If I had arrived five minutes later, he would have been dead.

“Yes but that had not happened. And he’s going to be okay and he will still annoy the shit out of us, okay?” the bassist said trying to convincing himself first and then Slash.

“Yeah… but I can’t lose him.” Slash said almost crying. “ Because I lo..”

“Here for William Axl Rose?” a doctor interrupted the curly man.

“Yes, how is he?” Slash and Duff asked both at the same time.

“He’s stable. He lost a lot of blood and he almost didn’t make it but now it’s okay.” The doctor explained calmly.

“Can we see him?” Slash asked, his hands shaking and his heart aching to see the man he loves.

“Yeah, but only for 5 minutes and one of us has to be next to him in the next days”

The two boys thanked the doctor and went to wake up the other two.

“Axl is stable and awake and we can see him” Duff explained happily and both Steven and Izzy breathed sigh of relief. The four boys asked a nurse the singer’s room but before they could step in, Izzy blocked them.

“Listen to me. He’s going to be pretty shocked and confused so don’t start asking him question or making him uncomfortable. He’s alive and that’s what matters. Just let’s not scare him.”

Slash was a bit upset by Izzy’s words but he realized that they’ve know each other for many years and get through so much shit together so he was just being protective. He should not feel jealousy right now, so decides to push away the feeling.

They knock on the door and when they hear something similar to a groan, they enter in the room. As soon as he saw Axl, Steven rushed to hug him. The red head simply stayed still but he didn’t say anything maybe because he always had a soft spot for the drummer; Duff smiled at him trying to reassuring him and taking Steven away while the blonde had some tears in his eyes, Izzy simply looked his long time friend in the eyes ;the thing about the black haired man was the he could totally speak with his eyes. And being that reserved and quiet always helped him to recognize the others’ emotions : how Steven was scared and sad, how Duff tried to be calm but was freaking out inside and how Slash was terrified and devastated; but he couldn’t catch what Axl was thinking about. Eventually Slash entered the room but Axl fixed his gaze on the sheets, maybe too embarrassed by their talk or because seeing the dark haired man reminded him about his past actions.

Duff decided to break the silence by telling everybody a brief story of what happened at the club with a chick. Axl pretended to be interested but he was too exhausted by everything to actually care even if he appreciated his effort. But the blond punk was interrupted by a nurse who told them that their 5 minutes were over and asked who stayed at Axl’s bedside.

“Me” Slash suddenly said and Izzy gave him a glare. The other guitarist looked him into the eyes and understood what was happening. Before leaving he whispered in Slash’s ear : “ You really love him, uh?”

Slash was almost regretting offering himself to be next to Axl. His head was full of unanswered questions that only the singer could answer and also his feelings wanted him to go and kiss him but his rational part told him that it wasn’t the right moment to ask those questions or to kiss him. Now he has to let Axl know that he’s here and he will not leaving him.

Slash took the armchair and set it next to the bed. Axl was blankly staring at his hand, now covered in tubes and the bandages on his wrists; Slash hated this silence, he hated the look on the other man’s face but mostly he hated the fact that he was so powerless in this situation. He wished that he could return to be his usual calm and cool himself, maybe that Slash could have known what to do.

“How you feeling?” asked Slash. _“How could he being feeling? He’s in a hospital bed after he tried to take his own life!.” _Saul cursed himself mentally 

"Tired” mumbled Axl.

“Then sleep, I will be here looking after you” Slash said trying to relax him.

Axl looked him confused then closed his eyes and started drifting off. He maybe would have never admitted it but he loved that promise from the curly man.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axl is having a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: English is not my first language so please feel free to correct me.  
Also first time writing Slaxl.

Axl was enjoying the silence that sleep brought him : only in those moments he could stop worrying about everything, shut the voices in his head and block the terrible memories. But he didn’t considered the nightmares. Stupid fucking nightmares that came back to haunt him randomly, making him almost believe that he could have escaped from them.

It was so ironic how his mind could perfectly reproduce his traumatic experience, even the smallest details that he swore have forgot.

_He was barley eleven listening rock music in his room. He knew that he shouldn’t have done that, but there was nobody at home so nothing could happen, right? And music was my only escape._

Wrong. He was always so wrong in all his life, at every age.

_Suddenly he heard that the door was unlocked and he tried as quickly as he could to turn off the music__ :__maybe it was only his mum but better be safe than sorry. Or better be safe then dead on the floor._ _But when the footsteps were getting closer and closer to his door, he knew he was screwed; there was never a way to get out, he was trapped in those damn walls everytime._

_He could remember how when the door swung open he always smellt two thing: cigarette and tons of cologne to cover it. He still remember how he could recognize the sound of Stephan’s walk or the taste of blood in his mouth; but the sight was the worst, because he can pinpoint every movement his stepfather made. _

Still to this day he hates his mind for remembering all of those details and flashing them to him in the craziest way. He hates how it takes a single sound, image or even smell to take him back there, to hell.

_He couldn’t do nothing but jumping at the suddenly noise. He knew that showing his weakness meant a worse beating, but he was just a child._

_“How many times I’ve told you to not listen to this demoniac music?” he screamed everytime. Or if it was not the music, it was his behavior; anything was wrong with him not matter what and he still believes that to this day._

_“I-I’m s-sorry, s-sir” he replied because fighting back would have meant more pain._

_Then Stephan closed his hand on his wrist and dragged him away from his room; the feeling of the hands on his wrist, how he could feel his bones almost break due the strong grip, still makes him shake. He would always take him to a dark closet, so nobody could have seen him. Nobody but God. But Stephan always thought his son was bad inside and that he was doing what God wanted, so it didn’t matter. _

Sometimes the impact with the floor made him stopping breathing; but that was just the beginning.

_Fists, kicks, slaps and every other thing is meant to cause pain was thrown. That time he thought he could have died because he was going on forever and there was no way in hell that his body could take that much; but eventually he stopped and Axl survived. _

That was the key word: surviving, not living. Because he had forgotten what meant actually leaving long ago and he just tried to keep himself live to find that meaning back. Until the night before when he gave up.

_But there was also screams. So many loud screams that made him flinch and that always will; screams full of insults and treats almost as painful as the beatings. He would begged him to stop in his mind, too scare to say that out loud._

Axl’s eyes snapped open while the screams were still echoing in his ears. His heart was beating so fast he thought that it could just break his chest. He felt like something was sucking all the air in his lungs and he could feel something soft in his hands : Slash was sleeping, his head resting on the side of the bed, his curly hair in Axl’s hands. Confused he looked around and saw all the sheets tangled; he must have turned a lot in his sleep.

He wanted almost to laugh about how the guitarist was still sleeping even if he could hear his own breathing getting faster and loud at every second and his body trembling so much that the bed was starting to shake; he was just having a panic attack but he didn’t want to wake up the other man because he knew that he had to be exhausted due what he did last night.

So many thoughts were floating in his mind and he started thinking that he would have died there or at least losing all the little control he had. He always found a way to fuck things up, even when he had just survived a suicide attempt and now Slash would have woke up and saw the real Axl, the crazy one that is always there but nobody wants to see.

He closed his eyes but he could hear a voice far away.

“Axl, Axl Just calm down. C’mon breathe with me” the voice said and he sounded just like Slash. But he couldn’t look, he couldn’t do anything.

Slash decided to go right in front of the redhead singer when he saw that he was not responding; he knew that the other man was having an hell of a panic attack. He took Axl's hand in his and squeezed it, trying to let Axl know that he was here and to help him grounding.

“Ax, hey can you look at me, please?” Slash mumbled, careful to not raise his voice.

Axl slowly lifted his head and looked Slash in the eyes : Saul could see the tears stained Axl’s cheeks and his lips quacking while he continued to trembling and crying, his breathing still irregular.

“Can-can I hug you?” Slash asked softly and Axl wanted so much to say no because he didn't want to be this weak in front of his Slash, he didn’t want to be a fucking tragedy but he felt like he was falling into pieces and only the guitarist could have kept him together; so the decided to nod.

Slash took him into his arms and started to rubbed his back with one hand while with the other he continued to hold Axl’s one.

“Everything you saw was not real. You are not there, I’m here with you and nothing is going to hurt you” Slash said trying to calm the redhead.

“It’s real. He was there, he’s going to find me, to hurt me” Axl continued to whisper and the guitarist understood that whatever Axl dreamt about was not a nightmare but rather a memory.

“He not going to hurt you anymore, I swear Axl. He has to pass on my dead body before he could lay a finger on you.” Slash said trying to sound convincing but also calm and sweet.

“Why are you doing this? First you save me when I told you I didn’t want it and now this. Why?” Axl asked still sobbing.

“Because I care about you, I could never let you die!” Slash said biting his lips to try to not sound angry or to raise his voice.

“But why do you care about me? I’m such... s-such a b-burd-den to everybody, how can you…” Axl stopped trying to fight the tears.

“Because I love you “ Slash said and as soon as the words came out of his mouth, he covered it with an hand. _Fuck Slash, you stupid fucker. How can you have just told him that in this situation? He has already enough shit to deal with and now you’re just adding more._

Saul continued to curse himself internally: you can’t profess your undying love to your best friend who is currently lying on an hospital bad because he tried to kill himself and after he had a panic attack. What kind of monster was he? Now he just made Axl even more confused and terrorized. He did exactly the opposite of what Izzy have told him not to do.

On the other hand, Axl looked at the other man completely shocked : he wasn’t sure if Slash was being honest or not but his mind was too confused and overwhelmed to read emotions. He saw how the guitarist was terrified and he wasn’t sure about his feelings. He didn’t want to hurt him, because apparently he can only do that, but at the same time he didn’t want to give him false hope. He was stuck but he had to give the other man an honest explanation, so he tried to put his thoughts together.

“Slash”

The younger man had his gaze fixed on the floor, little whimpers coming for his mouth.

“Saul” the name rolled strangely on Axl’s tongue and the other man looked towards the singer, his eyes a bit puffy and some tears at the corners of his eyes.

“Axl, shit I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, not in this moment. Fuck I swear I didn’t want to push you, but I was so afraid of losing you that I couldn’t control myself. I”

“Slash, calm down” Axl said quietly interrupting the other man’s train of words. He tried to soften a bit his features so Slash could calm down. “ I’m not mad at you but..”

“But you’re not feeling the same way” Slash finished.

“No. But I’m too confused or overwhelmed to understand what I feel. I-I”

The red head was biting his bottom lip, trying to express his feeling. Definitely not his favorite hobby

“I feel something for you and it’s more than friendship but I don’t know what it is and it scares me, because you’re so good and pure and I want to be as close as possible to you, I want you to hold my hand but I don’t think I can be in a relationship right now. I just need time, please.” he said the last word almost in a whisper, he was not the one to beg people.

Slash looked at him and his mouth curved in a soft smile. He asked Axl if he could have taken his hand and when he nodded, the curly man grab it and started to rub circles on it.

“I love you Axl and I always will. I totally understand it, fuck If I had controlled myself better I wouldn’t never said that now, but I did and I mean it. So I will be here, by your side, everyday keeping loving you until you feel comfortable to express your feelings.” Slash almost wanted to puke at his own sappy replay but he knew that Axl deserved all the love and all the understanding in this moment.

Axl looked at him, studying Slash face and felt something inside. But soon that beautiful sensation was replaced by the too familiar voices in his head.

_How can you deserve him? He’s so sweet and good and you are rotten, broken and bad. You will just poison him and make him become the same as you. You don’t deserve him._

“I don’t deserve you” Axl said starting to cry again.

“Why are you saying this?” Slash said looking at him confused and hurt.

Axl just closed his eyes, tears silently spilling from them.

“Hey, look at me Axl.” Slash said and wiped with his thumb the redhead’s tears. “ You’re right you don’t deserve me because you deserve so much more. And anyone who told you differently in all this years is just a prick and they have to hope to not cross path with me, ever.

Axl looked the guitarist in the eyes and he felt his mind stopping for a second. He decided to squeeze Slash’s and slowly resting his head on the other man’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for several minutes, completely silent, their now steady breaths the only thing they could hear. Axl closed his eyes again, still tired and tried to fall to sleep again but he could feel Slash’s gaze burning him; he knew that the brunette was thinking and he simply didn’t want to deal with that in that moment. That was a little piece of heaven in a life full of hell and even though he knew he had to tell me one day, now he was not ready.

“I know what are you thinking” he redhead whispered and Slash looked at him confused.

“What?”

“You are thinking why I did what I did. But I can’t tell you, at least now. There’s so much shit Slash, I don’t want that to bury you and I can’t talk about it without getting buried myself. And I can’t even tell you if I’m going to be okay.” Axl said opening his eyes only to look at the window.

“I get it, don’t worry. I’ve already told you that I’m gonna stay here at your side and that is not going to change. But now go back to sleep because you look like shit” Slash replied smiling a bit but still worried about Axl’s words.

The singer just flipped him off and laid on the bed again.

“Can you keep that promise starting right now by sleeping here with me?” Axl asked looking Slash into the eyes and the other man just nodded laying down next to him.

“Everything is going to be okay” Slash whispered while Axl was drifting to sleep.

And the singer didn’t care if that was true or not, if he was dead or alive, if we was going to make it or not.

He had Slash and just for this little moment he wanted to think only about the man who he had feelings for.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [By your side](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23015224) by [houseofaffuso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/houseofaffuso/pseuds/houseofaffuso)


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